I was 17 and thought that he was THE ONE for me. I loved everything about him, and he was the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. We had been going out for about a year. He had told me that he thought he was falling in love with me, and that made me fall more for him. We had never gotten into a fight, discussion, or argument of any kind, we would always talk about having kids, so I thought that if I were ever to get pregnant that he would be fine with it. Boy, was I ever wrong!

The month that I had missed my period, I thought I might be pregnant but I just brushed it off, but when I missed it the next month, I knew I was pregnant. I was in school when I took my test, my friends were with me when I took it, and when it showed positive, I was happy, because I knew that we were going to be fine. The day I took my test was a Friday, so I thought I’d give him the weekend then I’ll tell him the news. On Saturday I went out with a couple of his friends, but he didn’t go - he had gone out somewhere else - which I didn’t mind, he had never given me reason to doubt him, so I was fine. His friends asked me about him, and I just said that he went to a party, with whomever. His best friend told me that, he wasn’t with "guy friends", and I knew that I had to tell him. Kiev rent apartment - the best relaxation

On Sunday I called him, and I tried to get him to confess. He did, and before I could tell him that I was 7 weeks pregnant, he broke up with me. I told him that I was pregnant, and he told me that he was not going to take care of it and that he wasn’t even sure it was his. He told me that I had to get an abortion because he didn’t want to get stuck with me and a baby that he didn’t even know if it was his. He told me so many things that I would never forget. He turned into somebody I had never met, someone coldhearted and filled with anger towards me like I was the only one involved in it. I told my older sister and she called him, and told him that he needed to act his age - I was 17 and he was 20 - and he should be man enough to take of his responsibility.

He called me the next day and told me that his friend could do it for free, and I was pissed. I started telling him off. My sister started telling me to really think about it, maybe abortion was the right thing to do. I hadn’t even finished school and I’d never had a job, and that if I were to have this baby that I was going to raise it fatherless. He told me to really think about it too, we were too young. I thought about it a lot, and I decided to have the abortion. I knew that my baby wasn’t going to be provided with the essentials it needed and that I really couldn’t bring it into the world. So I called a clinic and got information and made an appointment. I called him and told him that it was going to be 400 dollars, and he said that he wasn’t going to pay it, and I told him you pay it now or you're going to be paying that amount a month, and he agreed to pay it.

When we went to the clinic he saw me and he hugged my tummy and said "awww" and I just looked at him, and went into the clinic. My sister went with me, and he sat away from me. They gave me the forms to sign and as I was reading the paper I started to cry. I did not want to sign it and it took me a couple of minutes before I signed. He needed to make the payment so we went up to the window and when he was about to pay he said, "there goes my payment" and I just wanted to strangle him. We went to go sit down and he said "it that all or do you want me to pay for something else." My sister told him that he could leave and he did. He didn’t even say anything to me and just left and I haven’t talk to him since.

I went into the room and changed. As soon as they took me into the room, I fell apart, and started crying. The doctor told me if I wanted to leave that I could, but I knew that I had to do it. After it all, I woke up and I was hurting so much. I’ve never felt that much pain in my whole life, and I hurt for almost a month. They told me that I shouldn’t be walking a lot, but since I hadn’t told my parents I had to play it off like everything was ok. I went to school and I cried, my friends were there, most of them had babies already or were about to, so I cried even more.

That was by far the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life, and I will always have that feeling of guilt in me.

I was due on December 25, and every time that holiday comes by, I fall apart. Every time I see a baby, I fall apart. The thought of me killing my own flesh and blood just destroys me completely.

My baby is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep.

If I could go back and do it again, I wouldn’t. The baby had no fault in us being so young, and we should have been more mature about handling the situation.

If anyone has questions about abortion and would like to contact me, my e-mail is mena_blanca@yahoo.com