I was 18 when I had my first abortion. It never occurred to me that I may become
pregnant, I was going with a boy that I met when I was on a road trip. When it
was time for me to go home he followed me back to Chicago. He got a room in a
motel not far from my parent's home. I thought I was in love with him but really
it was infatuation. After sometime I suspected that I was pregnant and went to a
Doctor for a test.

I was shocked and scared when I called her and she informed me that I was
pregnant. I could not think and did not know what to do. Bob, my boyfriend,
wanted to marry me but by this time I was starting to be afraid of
him. He was acting strange and I did not trust him anymore. A few days later my
mother confronted me and point blank asked me if I was pregnant. I could not
believe it - how did she guess? I had only just found out myself and did not have
time to even think about what I would do. She told me that she noticed the
sanitary pads had not been used and this gave her reason to confront me. Side Effects Sildenafil

I was adopted and when she told me that I would either have to marry Bob or get an
abortion, I reminded her of my other option of adoption and that it was a baby.
She told me that it was only a "BLOB" of tissue. She would not hear of it, she
told me if my father were to find out it would kill him. At this point I felt
totally defeated and like I had no choice. You see my father and I never had a
great relationship and when I was in high school he had a major heart attack and
I blamed myself for it. That was all she needed to say to me for my guilt was so
great that I folded. She being a social worker had many contacts and she found
that a minister from a church in Park Ridge was taking pregnant women and girls
across the border into WI. cigarette prices in west virginia

I had to pay for it, it cost $350.00. I think it was a Saturday that 8 of us were taken
to the abortionist's office in downtown Milwaukee. To this day I am not sure if it was a
Doctor. It was in a 3 room office. There was a woman there who gave each of us a pill. I think
it was a Valium. When it came to be my turn she sensed that I did not want to go through
with it and even asked me if this was what I wanted. I told her that I did not
want to have the abortion but that if I did not my Mother would kill me. So I
killed my first child instead. check court records

I had no idea that this was to be a life altering event.

I was the youngest of the 8 girls, the others were in their 20's. I remember
thinking that they were all crazy, how could they act like this was nothing,
laughing and carrying on. On the way back the Pastor stopped on the highway at
the Mars Restaurant, which is still there. I could not move I was in shock and
VERY Scared. I did go in to the restaurant with the others and that is when I
noticed that I had changed. I buried all my emotions that day. I ordered a
hamburger and on that day food became a comfort to me. We arrived back at the
Church sometimes around 3 or 4 o'clock. The drive home was silent, you could
have heard a pin drop. My mother never asked me if I was O.K. She just acted
like nothing had happened. I think a part of her changed that day as well.

Just before my 21st birthday I once again found myself pregnant. I was living
with my boyfriend at the time, I never thought of getting an abortion. We went
to see his parents and told them the news, I think we both thought that they
would support us. Well once again abortion was mentioned. This time my boyfriend
also thought that maybe we should. I went to see a OBGYN who gave us the name of
a Planned Parenthood clinic in Chicago. We decided if I was too far along that we
would have the baby. When you walk into an Abortion Mill there is a heavy
oppressive feel to it. It felt like death. We were taken to talk with a counselor
who we told that if I were not too far along I would have the abortion. I never
was examined or asked when my last period was. I was told by this woman that I
was not too far and that I could have the abortion. I was very sad at what she
had said. I was hoping that I would have been too far along and would be told
that I did not qualify.

Once again I fell for the easy way out. Afterwards, on the way home, we
decided to get married. I believe it was out of guilt. We are still married,
this summer it will be 31 years. We have not had an easy marriage. I had buried
my guilt so deep that I had nightmares and heard a baby crying outside at night
for several years. I cried a lot of the time. I had no patience and was always
picking a fight with my husband. He has put up with a lot over the years perhaps
because of his own guilt.

I had a daughter when I was 24. Having her had stirred up all kinds of emotions
that I had buried. She has had to live with the effects of my actions and it was not
easy for her either. When she was in about 4th grade I started to become more aware
of the Pro-life Movement. I began the journey of healing although I was still very emotional
about the abortion issue. My daughter asked me one day if I had ever had an abortion. She had
asked when she was younger and I denied it but this time I broke down and admitted it
to her. If I could take back doing so, I would. This affected her immensely. You
see abortion does not only affect the one having it, it affects everyone. I
believe she felt guilty for many years because she lived. She was also angry at
me for killing her siblings. This affected our relationship for many years to
come.

I did finally confront my mother and she never did apologize. She said she
would do it again because she felt that this was what was best. It has taken me
a long time to finally forgive her. I feel sorry for her she does not see how
this decision has affected her. She has a hardened heart now that I do not
remember her having when I was growing up. I have come along way within myself.

I have realized that I can not put all the blame on others I must take
responsibility for my actions. No one forced me to have sex out of marriage this
was a choice I made. I also realize that it was not fair to put my mother in the
position I put her in. Although, she too has to take responsibility for her
response to my pregnancy. I do realize that she never will admit that she was
wrong and apologize to me. My husband's mother did come to me years later and
say she was sorry and I am grateful for this.

I am still living with the effects of my actions and I will never be able to live a life
that is unaffected by abortion. I can only learn to forgive myself and go on with my life
the best that I can. I came to the Lord in my early 20's and I have known that God
forgives me. The hardest part is to learn to forgive myself. I do believe that
one day I will be set free from the weight of the guilt that I have carried all
these years. It is like peeling an onion, one layer at a time.

I would say to all those who are thinking of an abortion, give yourself and your baby a chance.

Once you cross that road there is no turning back.

It will follow you all the rest of your life.