This is the story of the event that changed my life. 

My story, like many, begins with love, the kind you wait all your life for. In my 18 years I had never loved anyone more. I gave him my heart, my soul, everything I had. He was what I had always dreamed of and worked so hard for. Our relationship was amazing until I got pregnant 6 months later. From there it was a downhill slide.

We were scared and young and had just started college. We were supposed to be somebody. He had a full ride scholarship and was extremely smart. He was a genius in my eyes and everything he did was right. He had an answer for everything and I believed that he did no wrong. When he suggested abortion the first couple times I immediately said no. Abortion was NEVER an option I thought for anyone. In my town, my school, and especially my family it was simply horrible. After a few weeks of stalling, he was still suggesting abortion. I don t know where along the line I decided to let my morals go, but I did. My brain was no longer able to function properly. Horneymatche.info Cam Video Chat Rooms.

I was scared to death. We didn't t tell a single person I was pregnant and we swore we never would. I think he told me not to tell anyone because he was afraid they'd change my mind. Well, at one point I reluctantly agreed. I was tired of saying no, and I didn't want to disappoint my family. I also thought he'd stay with me if I did what he wanted. I soon found out that I was WAY wrong. Abortion was his ticket out of our relationship.

I spent Christmas Break of 2002 in total fear and shock. I was around my family for 3 weeks and hiding that I was 2 months pregnant and sick all the time. He was 3 hours away with his family scrounging up money so we could have the abortion on the 9th of January. (There was no way I was paying for it.) He never called his pregnant girlfriend once in almost 3 weeks. In fact he was sleeping with his ex-girlfriend the whole time. I later found out he had cheated on me throughout our entire relationship.

He e-mailed me once after I wrote him and all he said was, I found the money, now schedule the appointment. He had called the clinic previously but they said I had to call. I refused over and over again. He printed out the directions to the clinic and showed me pro-choice websites almost nightly. He told me that it wasn't wrong and it wouldn't hurt...all the scientific things he was so smart about. He sugar-coated all of it enough that somehow I started to believe it. He was slowly getting closer to his goal and I wasn't even noticing what was happening.

It never crossed my mind that someone I loved more than life itself could do something that would hurt me so bad. I prayed every night that he would call me and tell me that he had another solution. I wanted his approval to keep my baby? He was the smart one, he was supposed to make sure we did the best thing, but his good choice never came, and neither did our baby or our wonderful future together.

January 9th finally came, although I was hoping it wouldn't. We got to the clinic and the parking lot was packed. I told him I wasn't going in because I was so embarrassed. When we went in I jokingly said that we were the only normal people there. I felt like everyone in the waiting room was staring at me. I have never been more ashamed in my life. I thought about what my friends and family would think if they knew what I was doing. I thought about the kind of example I was setting for my 11 year old sister. I then blocked everyone out. I was already there so I figured I had to go through with it. I turned my cell phone off so I wouldn't have to answer if my mom called. She did call several times asking where I was. If only I would've answered!

I sat in the waiting room for 3 hours before they called my name. When my name was called I got up and took one last sad look at Tyler. It was the last time I'd see him when our baby was alive. My body floated to the operating room and I heard nothing or saw nothing. I gave a blank stare to the nurse who told me to take off everything from the waist down. She left the room and I was alone. For that brief moment she was gone, my mind was home to the most terrifying thoughts I had ever imagined. I could not believe what I was about to do. Who was I? I was completely beside myself.

As the nurses put the IV, in I stared at the ceiling in total shock. I was drifting off to sleep and I saw the Dr. come in. He then touched me and I lost all sanity. He was yelling at me to spread my legs more and not be so tense. The nurses were so cold to me. Not one word of encouragement or sympathy was spoken to me. They were all mad because I wasn't cooperating. I was screaming and crying and being held down by strangers who were taking my baby from me. I felt my daughter leave my body and at that moment we were separated forever. The pain was incredible and I really thought I was going to die if the sucking didn't stop. When it was finally over, I stumbled to the waiting room. I already felt like a different person.

Something was definitely missing. I almost felt like I had no soul.

And that's how I've felt ever since.

I gave the abortion to my ex and he took off without ever caring if I was ok or not. I live with regrets, I live with the awful decision I made on behalf of someone else's future. That someone has already screwed up his future, even after I gave him a chance to keep living his life like a normal college student. He threw his life away after I had suffered through so much for him. 2 months after I had an abortion, his ex-girlfriend was pregnant and he decided to keep HER baby and live happily ever after. I nearly died.

Our baby is gone. He is gone. But I'm still here.

If I wasn't, then all I've endured would've had no point. I live for my angel. She is my breath. She holds me together and sees to it that I keep surviving in spite of her horrible father.

With her help I will survive, and one day we will have the most glorious reunion ever.